I Rebelled For This?
by destielismypurgatory
Summary: I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars... A Suicidal Cas, A willing Dean, crazy thoughts will turn into crazier actions. The 1940's are nothing to them and their rebelling spirits, but the war takes everything from everybody. Everything.
1. Troubled Boys, Troubled School

**A/N- This fanfiction involves use of; Alcohol, language, sex, suicide and pills. If any of this triggers you, please do not read. **

* * *

Dean Winchester wasn't listening. He never listened. Well, to say that wouldn't be entirely true. He listened when girls were swooning over his appearance, and he listened when the crowd was chanting his name in admiration when he had just won a baseball game for his team, and he listened when his friends were chuckling at a smart-ass remark he had just given his teacher. Dean sometime's listened, but like in most situations, only when he wanted to.

"You aren't queer, Dean. You're a wonderful boy. Queer people don't make it in this world and I want you to make it big. You hear me, boy?" Dean lifted his eyebrows in response however; he hadn't heard a damn thing his teacher had told him. He didn't appreciate a sixty year old white man who got stuck being an English teacher, telling him that who he is is wrong, and a sin, and that he is going to rot in hell for liking dick.

"Dean, you have to stop, it's dangerous. Next time I see you looking at a boy like that, I'm going to have to tell Head Master. This is a sin, you're already in a school for troubled boys and you want to be queer also? What ridiculous choices you make, boy…" Dean clicked his tongue and stuck his hands in his pockets, ready to leave because if he didn't, he was actually going to kill his English teacher and he didn't want that on his college application.

"Mr. Crowley, it was only a look, now can I leave? You don't even know me like that. "Crowley shook his head in disappointment and walked over to Dean with full intentions of making Dean a heterosexual before he left his classroom.

"It's so sad to see the young be so corruptive…you have your whole life ahead of you, Dean…you're only 17."

"Mr. Crowley, I'm leaving, I don't have to be insulted."

"Sit down!" Crowley slapped him right in his face. It hurt. His jaw burned. His pride was more pained than his cheek. "You're going to stop seeing that Castiel boy. I know what you two do in the dark, it's disgusting, and it's revolting! I could get you both kicked out of this school!"

"Then do it. We'll get kicked out together, run away from this piece of shit school. Get a dog, get married-"

"Dammit, Dean! Do you not understand! I don't want to do that! I want you to get help, I want you stop seeing Castiel, he's a sin, he's turning you into a sin!"

"He's not a part of this, and I'm not going to apologize for being in love with him."

"Love? In love? You don't anything about being in love, dear boy. This is a phase, just a phase." Dean sulked, tighten his jaw and kept repeating to himself that Crowley was a piece of shit that wasn't in charge of his life. Dean gave Crowley a look that could have killed a small army and proceeded to exit the classroom.

* * *

"Dean, what did he do to you? I heard a slap. Are you alright?" Castiel was lingering infront of Crowley's classroom to wait on Dean, nervously biting his fingernails and adjusting his winter scarf just so he could have something to do. Once Cas saw the red streak running across Dean's cheek, his hand instinctively went up and cupped his face, grazing his thumb across the forming bruise.

Dean kissed Cas, Cas kissed back. Cas could feel Dean's eyelashes grazing over the rim of his nose.

"What was that for?"

"To make sure this isn't just a phase." Cas smiled.

"Well, he can't do this to you." Cas spoke sympathetically, anger was vibrant in his eyes but his expression was soft.

"Yes he can. We can't do a damn thing about it unless you wanna get kicked out of this school."

"It wouldn't be my first." Dean smirked, slightly nudging Cas's hand off of his face and began walking towards the dormitory buildings.

Everyone was staring. The red mark skimming over Dean's flesh was becoming more and more noticeable as the hours passed by and it didn't help that Castiel was right by Dean's side while Crowley's doings became a public service announcement.  
Nobody knew of Dean and Cas, but many predicted it. Several were tricked into the belief that they were just the best of friends, and others thought that they were gay only for each other, the jokes on everyone because they were both.

Castiel glanced over to get a look at Dean's profile, watching how just by the way he holds up his head that he was an overconfident bastard. His eyes weren't staring down any of the assholes that were rudely gaping at him but Castiel could tell he cared that they were staring by the way his tongue was poking his cheek. Dean caught Cas's gaze as they were near their dorm and almost interlocked their fingers, but Dean remembered he couldn't do that in public or he would be judged.  
It's not like Dean cared, because he didn't. Castiel did. If Castiel got sent out of this school, his dad would have his ass and probably more, Dean did it to keep Castiel safe. The sky would catch on fire before Dean let Castiel be in danger.

"Could they stare any harder?" Castiel commented as they walked into their small dorm at the end of the hallway, taking off his trench coat and hanging it on the coat rack. Dean scoffed, watching Castiel's back muscles move in sync with the way he breathe heavily, imaging his breathe tickling down his chin and onto his chest.

"They would have if I had done this." Dean took grasp of Castiel's hips and pinned him against the wall, slamming him hard so he made sure the neighbors heard. He trailed kisses all along Cas's collarbone, using his thumbs to linger alongside his hipbones while listening to Cas struggle to contain his moans.

"Dean-"

"I want them to hear, I dare them to tell."

"I have a chemistry test to study for, actually." Cas smiled, shoving Dean off and getting slight satisfaction from the agony upon his face.

"Study for it later, babe. I want you now." Cas just shook his head, resting his backpack on the wooden frame of his bed.

"You can have me once I graduate this school with a 4.0 gpa." Dean plopped himself down on Castiel's bed, kicking his feet up and placing his hands be hide his head.

"Then we can buy that house we want, big back yard, garnet kitchen counter tops…"

"Yellow paint and black shutters, promise?"

"Promise."Dean responded, Cas smiled, and everything was still.

* * *

_ "I did it all for a damn good reason, but you guys won't listen to me!" Castiel shouted at the Head Master who had a stone face on. The Head Master scribbled something onto his clipboard paper which made Castiel annoyed; he was certain he was writing down that he had some sort of anger problem._

_"Castiel, the police reported that they walked in on you pointing a gun at your mothers head. There isn't much to explain. You're still underage and since you didn't actually commit a crime, this school is all you have left unless you want to try out juvy." Castiel stared at the Head Master who was speaking utter bullshit. They had no clue what had happened, they didn't know shit._

_"Okay." The Head Master smiled, pulling out a pen and tapping it on a line located at the bottom of the paper. Castiel signed and he felt like he was being handed over to a school that hated everyone in it. Why would anybody want to create a school for troubled boys? Putting 1,000 boys with the same, thickheaded personality's in one building isn't going to make them less troubled, it's going to make them crazy._

_"Classes begin on Monday. Your roommate-"_

_"Roommate?"  
"Yes, your roommate. Your roommate is already in your shared dorm. Curfew is 8, 11 on the weekends and if I catch you drinking, smoking, or doing any other fowl thing in this school, you will be thrown out and be under the hands of a prison. Do you understand?"_

_"What do you mean other fowl things?"_

_"I mean fighting with other boys, sneaking women on campus, those sorts. Why?"_

_"I was just curious."_

_"Well don't be. Off now, busy week ahead of you." Castiel grabbed his textbooks off of Head Master's desk, shoving them in his backpack. His mind was fuzzy and he wasn't even sure how he was functioning right now. Just two nights ago he had a shotgun loaded in his hands, ready to aim it at his mother, ready to aim it at himself.  
School for troubled boys…I guess this was right, he was very troubled after all. _

_ The key in Castiel's hand shook frantically, he could already feel how cold his dorm was from the chilly air slipping under the door frame. Cas was expecting some sort of whack job for a roommate, someone who was ready to go on a physiological rampage, someone with pent up anger but all he saw the moment he stepped into that room was somebody he was ready to spend the rest of his life with. It sounds crazy, stupid even but Castiel was crazy and stupid and the way he saw that boy's green eye's gaze over his body, well, it gave Castiel something much more powerful than butterflies. _

"_My names, Dean Winchester. This school's already shit don't you think?" Dean was unfolding clothes out of his suitcase and into his dresser, and had already decided on which side of the room would be his._

_"It is, real shitty actually. Why are you in here?"_

_"It's my room, isn't it? Room 57, I think."_

_"I mean in this school, it's for troubled boys only."_

_"Are you saying I don't look troubled to you?" Castiel didn't mean to put it that way, but he couldn't think of a response to contradict what he already said. "I'm flattered, but I just met you. I'll tell you my life story once you buy me dinner."_

* * *

"You alright, Cas?" Dean whispered, gently shaking him awake, pressing a kiss on his temple.

"I'm fine, just dreaming I suppose."

"I'll go get us some dinner from the dining hall and bring it back, alright?" Dean questioned, adjusting the collar of his brown leather jacket.

"Sounds good." Castiel watched Dean exited the dorm and waited until he knew he was completely gone for him to lean over to his bedside table and open the drawer, taking out three medicine bottles and swallowing one pill from each.

"Maybe one day these things will make me forget how the hell I ended up in here." Cas mumbled, tossing them back in.

* * *

**A/N- Thank you for reading the first chapter! If you thought it was good, leave and review! I really do write faster based on reviews & if you want to see more, follow it! Also, I posted this on my Supernatural blog,**  
** ! Have a wonderful night. **


	2. That's my boy

"_You see the trouble with me__  
__I've got a head full of fuck__  
__I'm a basket case__  
__I don't think I can love, love, love"  
__**The Trouble with Me-Robbie Williams**_

"_Castiel…baby…please." Castiel's mind was not with him. His heart was not functioning properly. His hands were on the trigger. "Cas, baby, this isn't you. Please come back to me, please come back." His mother whimpered, trembling with panic and trying her best to not let the tears overwhelm her. Her words to Cas were fuzzy, it's as if his mind was purposely ignoring every single thing she said. Cas wasn't sure if it was his mind that didn't want help or himself._

_"Cas, if you pull the trigger, I won't be here anymore. I know you can hear me, Cas, listen!"  
The living room door busted open; men in uniforms were no longer a safety zone for Cas but a threat since they were all pointing their pistols at him. Castiel dropped the shotgun. He started crying._

_"I don't remember…I'm sorry…what's going on…?" Castiel knocked himself down to his knees, bawling. The realization had hit him but he didn't understand where they were yelling at him, he didn't know…he didn't know._

_"Don't hurt him! Please! That's my boy!" Castiel was already in handcuffs, being hauled out of his home, hearing the faint cries of his mother begging not to hurt him. He wished they did. He wished he were dead._

* * *

"Do you really think Mrs. Chewning is going to give us a six paged essay?" Dean asked, chewing on the end of his pencil. Castiel was zoned out, staring at nothing but focused on how clear his thoughts were in his mind, where he didn't care to be. How come every little fucked up thing he did lingered behide him and tripped him up? Wasn't that life's job? I guess life and mistakes intertwine together.

"Because if she does, my god, I'm not going to do it. Six pages? Who does she think I am, Picasso?"

"Picasso was a painter." Cas said quietly.

"What's the matter with you?" Dean's eyebrows burrowed.

"Nothing, just thinking."

"Well, stop thinking and start kissing me." Dean grabbed Castiel's face from the end of the bed and started kissing him softly even though his lips were rough from running out of chapstick. Castiel leaned back onto the sheets and let Dean tower over him, not allowing the kiss to break. Cas lingered his thumb over Dean's stubble as his hands cascaded down to unbutton Dean's shirt. Dean planted kisses all over Cas's face. His nose, his forehead, his cheeks. That's the thing about Dean. He just doesn't kiss, or fuck, he know's how to make love, he knew how to do little things to drive you crazy. Dean moved down to unbuckle Castiel's belt, but a hand was placed over Dean's.

"Not right now." Dean sighed, but didn't argue. Rolling over off of Cas and beside him, Dean propped himself up on his elbow.

"You've been having those nightmare, memory things again, haven't you?" Dean questioned, staring at Castiel until he answered back with the truth, although Dean already knew what it was. Dean noticed Castiel's whimpering and shaking in his sleep.

"Yes, I have. It's only because I didn't take my meds for like a week or something." That was a lie. Castiel had taken them every single day, when he needed them. He needed them a little more than others, but Castiel didn't want Dean to know that. Castiel hated to put more pressure on Dean to worry about him, Castiel didn't want to be a burden to the only thing that made him happy. "How'd you figure that out?"

"Well, you barely ate your chicken bog last night, recently when you're a smart-ass with me you don't put any attitude into it, and you just denied sex. I mean, the signs are obvious." Castiel chuckled, burying himself into Dean's arms. "You know what the Doc told me, everyday until you stop. Those memory triggers are gonna get you real bad one day. If these aren't working, I'll go get you something stronger, alright? You're going okay as long as you're with me, med's or not."

"But you prefer the meds...?" Cas jokingly asked.

"If it makes you better, then yes." Cas closed his eyes to rest them, not having the heart to tell Dean that the medicine in which he thought was saving him, was only making him worse.

* * *

_"There's nothing wrong with him, right? My boys okay, correct?"_

_"Mam, your son is in the Psychiatric Urgent Care section, if what your son says is true, and he doesn't remember anything of what he almost did, then there is something going on in his brain and we are working to figure that out."_

_"What do you mean if! Of course he is, that's my boy..." The Doctor left her with a slight smile, reassuringly squeezing her shoulder to give her some sort of hope._

_"Now, Castiel. Would you like to explain to me what you remember?" Castiel was playing with the paper on top of the hospital bed he was sitting on, scared and unaware._

_"I remember I was in my room, doing my school work and that was it. Why did the police come after me? Why did I have a shotgun? Was I going to shoot my mom?"_

_"I'm not sure, that's what you have to tell me. Now, you don't remember anything at all. Nothing?" Castiel shook his head, the Doctor charted something down. "Do you have a rocky relationship with your mom?" Castiel didn't want to answer. "Castiel, you have to tell-"_

_"Yes." More charting._

_"Why is that?" Castiel shook his head, praying that the Doctor would take that for an answer. He had never told anybody, probably because he had no one who would listen.  
"We must get to the source of the problem of why you are blanking out, Castiel. This is serious and could be fatal."_

_"She raped me when I was young," The Doctor charted once more. "and my brothers."_

_"Okay, and your brothers?" Castiel nodded. "Your brothers, are they nice to you?" Castiel shook his head again._

_"Why aren't they nice to you?"_

_"I guess since they found out I'm a fag." The Doctor finished charting. He filled out four sheets of paper all while Castiel sat there quietly, confused and nervous._

_ "Doctor! There you are, is he okay?" Castiel's mother rushed towards him as he walked down the hallway, Castiel's records under his arm and a one piece of paper he no longer needed._

_"He has En Bloc Blackouts, which is the inability to recall any memories from when high or intoxicated, but don't worry, he was not high nor intoxicated. He has this rare type that is cased due to a large amount of stress, worriment and or when a rocky past has scarred them. He isn't actually in control of what he is doing when these blackouts take place, just what is conscious allows him to."_

_"So, you're saying my boy is going crazy?"_

_"No mam, I'm saying that you're boy is going to stray away from crazy, and he is no longer your boy. Under the law, if I find out any minor has been abused, sexually or physically, it is in my hands to get them out of the situation as soon as possible. Castiel is going to be sent to Sonny's School for Troubled Boys, it's safe. While-"_

_"You can't take him away from me, it's not logical! I have rights!" She started screaming, she started hitting the security guards who were leading her out the building, she started hysterically crying out for "her boy". Castiel stood in the corner watching, a nearby nurse was hugging him by the shoulders, attempting to shield his eyes from what he was seeing. Castiel started crying as well, but a quiet sort of sobbing, the type that wouldn't make a scene. He didn't mean to go crazy, he didn't mean to make his mother go crazy, but if all of this was her fault, Castiel had the right to not feel guilty, correct? This wasn't his fault, but he sure felt all the blame. _

* * *

"Cas! Cas, wake up! You're shaking again." Dean bellowed in Cas's ear, gliding his hand up and down his arm to try and ease him awake.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry, mom." Castiel kept on repeating. Dean wiped away the tears that fell upon Castiel's cheeks as he whispered his apologies to his unfit mother. Castiel didn't understand why he felt pity for his mom, the only logical explanation he could fathom up was that, he was his _mom_. He was afraid that if he let go of the little bit of love he had left for her, he would be parentless, nobody wants that. Castiel didn't want to be an orphan, but in a since he already was.

"Sshh, baby. It's okay, you're with me. You have nothing to be sorry for..." Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him as close to him as he could, kissing the back of his head and hoping that one day Castiel will see that none of this crazy was his fault.

* * *

**|| A/N- Another chapter complete! I understand that there isn't really any plot-line on Dean currently, but I'm getting there, don't fret. I'm just trying to focus on Castiel's plot-line since there's a lot I want to do. Then I will get to how Dean and Castiel's relationship blossomed and whatever, and then present, present day where there's not flashbacks. Until then, please review, follow and yes, that's about it! ||**


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